THE DROP OFF: Realistic Emotions They Don't Tell You About Before College

Move in day: I rushed my family out of the door on an early Sunday morning. After scurrying to pack up all of my cluttered belongings we made the hour long trip to Gainesville. The move-in process in my mind would take literally the whole day. 




But to my surprise, it was not even 3pm and we had battled the long lines of families carrying colorful plastic bins, signed paper work with over-friendly student hosts, lugged up all my items (7th floor), went grocery shopping, and even the assembled my brand new bike.

 
So what’s next? Ah, the farewells. The only person that shed a tear was my little sister. That made me tear up but other wise it was swift and to the point. I’m not sure why I had a long, dramatic exit anticipated in the back of my mind. I envisioned a crescendo of emotions boiling over from every one of my family members until they could no longer take it. Clingy hugs and sob filled “don’t go”s. Nope.A quick squeeze from everyone, a sympathetic smile here and there. Then, bye.

I’m not saying I wasn’t happy to go. In fact, because I was so eager, I made my family eager to get rid of me. I had been counting down the days ever since I received my acceptance letter, nearly a year prior. I marked every calendar I could get my hands on. I circled January 4th and labeled it not “move-in day”, but as my “move-OUT” day.

There are some things they don’t prepare you for though. No college movie will ever let you know what realistic emotions may be lurking after the initial drop-off.

Yes, college offers many resources. You go to all the orientations and campus tours, but even the peppiest of tour guides and perkiest of school representatives have more than likely been through at least one of these stages.

Confusion: Swarming questions of “What the hell am I doing?”, “Why?”, and “where is my next class?” (If you attend a large university, you know where I’m coming from) take over your mind.  It may seem that everyone has got their stuff together and knows where they are going, but half of them are just as lost as you are. Take comfort in knowing that other people need help too. I mean after all you are there to learn and asking questions is the first step. Not only will you benefit, but other people will be glad you did too.

Unusual Fatigue- Always being in such a bustling atmosphere at such a large university comes with a new type of energy. Now that I am a part of this crowd I am in exchange with so many different auras and personalities. I literally meet at least five new people every single day.

It can have it’s toll mentally. Not that this type of campus is negative, but after being at a community campus with a much smoother, spacious atmosphere it can be overwhelming to my energy system.

I have noticed that I require twice as much sleep as normal to feel rested. Two hours naps used to give me a hardy boost for the rest of my evening, but I need at least three hours per nap session or I will feel worse than before. Maybe I’m just getting old?...

Nights can be rough. I have become a light sleeper and even small noises can wake me. Before it would take an earthquake and a fire engine to even make my eyes flutter.

This really comes down to getting into organizational habits. This may seem impossible when there are so many things going on, at all different hours of the day. At the very least, if you can't get into a regular sleeping pattern (which I'm very guilty of) at least keep track of how much sleep you are getting and find a day to make up for it. Otherwise you'll crash and burn, blurring together dates, times, and names. When push comes to shove, coffee will always be there!

Displacement- What do you do when going “home” at the end of an excruciatingly long day of classes, work, and studying is not an option. What if all you have to go back to is a dorm full of half-strangers. I have never referred to my dorm as ‘home’ and that’s because it’s not. I feel like a visitor. It feels as though I have an extended stay period at some odd hotel. What do you do when you have a place to live, but you don’t have a home?

With my home town being so close, I have the option to go back for three-day weekends and other breaks. This session away from my dorm I can always consider “home”, but even the atmosphere of my childhood realm has shifted.

I am struck by the changes that are already underway.  My little brother has been given the room I lived in for fifteen years. That’s a pretty drastic change but surprisingly I can notice even the little things that have been altered. A new bathroom rug, we sold our old piano, the neighbors painted their fence. They are not crucial changes, but because I’ve been absent they are noticeable. Had I been there the whole time these changes would have been fleeting. But no, I leave and what does everybody do? They start changing things! No!

I have enough chaos and adjustment to absorb in my new college world. This place, this is a place of constance. In the back of my mind I’m begging for my baby brother to never become taller than me, for my little sister to stop growing boobs, and for that out-of-tune piano to sit in our living room; untouched and silent like it always has.

But why shouldn’t they utilize the bigger bedroom, and why not make some extra cash off of our antiquated furniture? Because I need home to be home. Exactly as I remember it.

In the end, “home” is not only where the heart is. It’s not an address or a certain zip code. “home” does not have to always match what you remember it as. Simply put, “Home” is where there is family, free food and laundry, and love.